CAN'T SEE SHIT, CAPTAIN -> nO sHiT, aNd wE'rE hEaDiNg cRaSh lAnDiNg!!! || The Germans have their shiny shoes, and the Chinese have electrical engineering students raining off of high rooftops, but give me the French any day.
Oliver: Oi, 52nd state please!
The feds accidentally give a D.C. attorney a classified document showing that the NSA intercepted his phone calls without a warrant. When they ask for it back, they get a $2 million lawsuit along with it.
lemonodor: "My fiancee has a varicocele which has caused one of his testicles to be quite long (about 5 inches). He'd like to take up swimming, and we're looking for a way he can wear swimming gear without worrying about falling out."
seti: Soldiers have been given gag orders to stop the story from garnering more attention that might dispell the myth that the current government cares in any way about The Troops(tm).
anomie: "Childhood obesity in the United States appears to be causing girls to reach puberty at an earlier age, for reasons that are not clear"
seti: No on both counts.
est: "Whereas wisdom comes through humility, it may actually help, in cultivating intelligence, to have a mistakenly high opinion of your abilities, because that encourages you to keep working."